Some Of The Things I Do That Annoy My Wife

• Introduce her as my first wife.
• Fart under the covers. (No dutch oven though…one point for me.)
• Tell people I only married her for my future toupee needs.
• Installed a stripper pole in the kitchen. (It’s supposed to be the new fitness craze.)
• Corrupt the children.
• Drink the last Diet Coke.
• Tell waitresses we’re there to celebrate her recent breast augmentation.
• Begin our discussions with “Now that you’ve paid your debt to society…”
• Make fun of Gilmore Girls.
• Suggest we swap office furniture. (It’s not kinky. She gave me her chair and I want her desk.)
• Pepper our Holiday Letter with obscenities.
• Post stuff like this on my blog (especially with my in-laws having the website address).