My Favorite Corporate Phrases And Their Not So Hidden Meanings

• “I hadn't heard from you” = You didn't return my call. Now I will stalk you. Where do you keep your bunny?
• “I have some concerns” = You did something to make me lose my temper. Now I have ink all over myself and I don't think it will come out.
• “Handed off” = Bother them.
• “As indicated by” = Blame them.
• “As per” = For the life of me, I can't think of a better way to start an e-mail.
• “Recalibrate” = Let me try a better guess.
• “Push back” - Tactfully said f**k no.
• “Directionally correct” = Wrong.
• “Violation of firm policy” = Something everybody does.
• “To source” = Emasculated version of “to get.”
• “Teaming” = Sitting around with people trying not to ask personal questions.
• “Action plan” = The end result of inaction.
• “Reach out” = Ask.
• “Touch base” = Talking about something without touching.
• “Tee it up” = The most refined method of sports talk available in the common workplace. More highbrow companies use terms from Squash, Lacrosse, and Polo (not the water kind).
• “Fyi” = Look at this.