My Father Normally Didn’t Swear

I played baseball in 5th grade. I played it other years, but I remember playing on a team in 5th grade. I had a friend on my team. I can’t remember his name, but I think it was Eric. He had blond hair. I do remember he had a brother named John.

Eric (if that’s his name) lived pretty close to me. One day he came over to my house for the first time. I showed him around. He seemed particularly enamored with the fact that my room had two doors with one that opened right to a bathroom. He just couldn’t stop talking about it. I had that room all my life, so I didn’t really see what the big deal was. I guess if you need to pee in the middle of the night, proximity really helps.

Anyway, we were hanging out that day going back and forth between our houses. On one trip to my house, his brother John accompanied him. We were in my room and Eric stood up and proudly strode to the bathroom door to show off the key feature of my room. He cleared his throat and announced to his brother, “Look at the luxury.” He then flung open the door. It revealed my father sitting on the toilet going to the bathroom.

We all stared at my father dumbfounded for what seemed like an eternity. My father broke our foggy haze when he yelled, “Shut the fucking door!” Eric reached over and slammed the door back shut.

I don’t remember much of what happened after that. But I do believe I pointed out to John that the wasn’t the luxury Eric had in mind.