Sunday, July 13, 2008

Epistle Missles

I recently went through my files looking for some paperwork. I came across some of my favorite correspondence.

This Is Not Helping…
My wife was feeling a little blue when she turned 35. It didn’t help when the letter from AARP showed up a week later.

Send Your Thank You Letters Or The Gifts Go Back…
Below is one of the most rewarding thank you letters I’ve ever received. When I was discussing what to get for this person Kelly said, “Just send anything.” But I said, “No. No. Let’s send something.” And look!! This person was touched by the fact that we sent something instead of just anything.

I won’t throw stones though. My best thank you letter is a toss up between writing to one couple that I was very sorry that they were able to come to my Bar Mitzvah and writing another couple that I was very glad they weren’t able to come to my Bar Mitzvah. Based on conversations with my grandparents and my mother, the recipients failed to find any humor in the situation.

If Only I Could Find The Time For Gardening…
Perhaps ComEd has overestimated the amount of time required to pay their bill.

They Put The Suck In Successful Customer Service…
This is a letter that my bank sent to a check guarantee service…seriously. The story is that during an account switch-over, our bank accidentally bounced a check they were supposed to pay. And this is the letter they wrote to rectify the situation.

The epicness of the suckiness of this letter is hard to put into words…especially in less than 2 or 3 pages. So I’ll forgo any further explanation. But I will let you know that this was written by a person who was (a) not a person where English was a foreign language and (b) not a child and (c) not typed in the dark and (d) not a person in the middle of some medical episode and (e) not the employee of the month.

No comments: