Sunday, August 3, 2008

Some More Quotes That Didn't Make The Holiday Letter

As below, there are some quotes that just arent fit to print...

· The girl: What is that, a potato?
Her friend: No! It's you!
The girl: But I don't have any arms.

Her friend: What is that a picture of?
The girl: It's you.
Her friend: I don't look like that.

(This was several years ago. I think the daughter was 4 at the time. The quote was too long and I don't think my wife liked me highlighting that my daughter's drawings at the time were closer to Picasso than Van Gogh.)

· The boy: Can I have a nail?
The wife: When you I turn 18?
The boy: Can I have a level when I turn 18?
The wife: We can probably get you one before you turn 18.
The boy: Can I get dynamite when I turn 18?
The wife: Mommy and Daddy can't even get dynamite.

(A little too long for the letter. And my wife was frustrated that she couldn't own dynamite.)

· The wife: You have to leave.
The boy: The family?
The wife: No!! The office.

(My wife was trying to get something done in the office for Brownies or some other paramilitary organization she belongs to. Nixed from the letter because we had no idea why he thought he needed to leave the family and didn't want people coming to the conclusion that we threaten to sell the kids to gypsies.)

· The wife: I think the (mail order) steaks (we ordered) are here.
The boy: (excitedly) SNAKES ?!?

(I think we had something in the letter that year about the boy telling somebody giving a spider presentation that the wife squishes them and that was all the nature humor that could work in one letter.)

· The wife: I love you ornery little fellow.
The boy: I'm not a little fellow.

(Left off the letter because we didn't want to frighten relatives he might visit. He is ornery you know.)

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