Friday, April 18, 2008

Look Ma, No Vomit!!

Deep thoughts after a night of drinking…

Firstly, Happy Birthday to Mr. Small Bladder. Not only did you not pee in the McDonalds parking lot, you also didn’t fall down at any point during the night.

How cool is it that I didn’t throw up? How sad is it that I think that’s cool?

Could our waitress spend more time talking with us and less time getting us beer? After all, we were her ONLY table. Yes, it’s nice to talk and hang out, BUT NOT WHEN I HAVE AN EMPTY BEER IN FRONT OF ME. I’m starting to question whether her evil twin was really evil or just impatient.

Why would an engineer tell a group of horrified engineers that he didn’t bother to install a $7 GFI switch when apparently taking the time to install said GFI switch would have won praise and approval from the group of engineers? (I’m not an engineer and I just feigned being horrified by the way. But I thought it was cool that I knew what a GFI switch was, that I’d heard of Romax, and that I learned the best way to electrocute myself.)

Kind of bummed that we just played a regular game of pool. Nobody brought a laser aiming device, a GPS locater, a sonar tracking set, or a tent. Also, nothing we did required the use of protein powder. Not what I’ve come to expect from this group.

It’s a little disconcerting that somebody can show up, announce they’re legally blind, and then shoot pool better than me. And why exactly didn’t we better coordinate driving to keep our neighborhood’s version of Ray Charles off the streets? It’s not like we didn’t have enough mini-vans between us.

How does White Castle survive? Their food contains Benzene, or at least tastes like it. And when people pull up to the drive-thru the cars in front of them have cobwebs. Perhaps they could hire one more person for the late shift.

Why haven’t I gotten a new alarm clock? And am I blind? I’ve had this thing for 2 years and I just realized this morning that the snooze bar and the button to turn off the alarm are right next to each other. So yes, I did miss my morning workout.

And finally, why did I tell my wife that I’ve referred to her as a pilgrim? I’m going to have to come up with a good answer for our first counseling session. And speaking of pilgrims, why the hell did they carry guns that look like small French Horns? I have a hunch as to why they were such crappy hunters. Small wonder they needed Indians to bail them out at Thanksgiving.

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