Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Some Of The Things I Do That Annoy My Wife

  • Introduce her as my first wife.
  • Fart under the covers. (No dutch oven though…one point for me.)
  • Tell people I only married her for my future toupee needs.
  • Installed a stripper pole in the kitchen. (It’s supposed to be the new fitness craze.)
  • Corrupt the children.
  • Drink the last Diet Coke.
  • Tell waitresses we’re there to celebrate her recent breast augmentation.
  • Begin our discussions with “Now that you’ve paid your debt to society…”
  • Make fun of Gilmore Girls.
  • Suggest we swap office furniture. (It’s not kinky. She gave me her chair and I want her desk.)
  • Pepper our Holiday Letter with obscenities.
  • Post stuff like this on my blog (especially with my in-laws having the website address).

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